


frae morning sun til dine

by a_big_apple



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Holidays, Humor, M/M, Mystery, New Year's Eve, TAZ Candlenights Exchange 2018, tres horny boys - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 01:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17132729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_big_apple/pseuds/a_big_apple
Summary: Why do Taako’s boys weekends with Magnus and Merle always turn out like this? New Year’s Eve in Fantasy Aspen gone awry, two baffling mysteries, and a lot of hot fruit punch.





	frae morning sun til dine

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift fic for disillusioned—delusion on Tumblr, for the TAZ Candlenights Exchange 2018! Joyous Candlenights, I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> This hasn’t been betaed or very heavily edited, but I wanted to post it in time for the exchange deadline. Edits may appear later, when I’ve had time to go through it more closely. ;)

_Just come for a few days,_ the invitation said. _Lup told me Kravitz will be working, so celebrate the new year with friends instead. I promise you can have full command of the kitchen._

It also said _PS: This invitation is a formality, Lup already RSVPed yes for you and said she would be there in time to eat grapes together at midnight._

It’s a nice gesture, aside from his sister’s meddling. It’s a nice cabin, tucked away in Fantasy Aspen, accessible only by cannonball and so only by members and friends of the B.O.B. There’s a cozy fire in every guest room, a huge fireplace and overstuffed couches covered in fuzzy throws in the den; there are at least thirty people here, but it doesn’t feel crowded. When the invite came (and he got over the initial, childish urge to tear it up when he saw Lucretia’s handwriting), Taako thought he might finally have a boys’ weekend that didn’t involve combat or mayhem. He should have known better.

“I don’t know what you want me to do,” Merle is saying, gesturing down at the pile of ashes in the kitchen doorway. “Healing Word isn’t gonna cover spontaneous combustion.”

“Can’t you resurrect her or something?” Magnus shouts, hands waving. He’s still in his pajamas, the tips of his bear slippers singed.

Merle scratches his belly where it sticks out of the bottom of the hideous Candlenights sweater Barry gave him this year, remarkably unconcerned. “Don’t have the right components. And anyway, that spell takes twenty-four hours to cast.”

“Did anybody actually see what happened?” Lucretia cuts in, imperious even in sweatpants. Beyond her, in the den, a murmuring crowd has gathered; at the back of it, he can see Carey pop up into view on Killian’s shoulders.

 _Spontaneous combustion,_ he sees her mutter in Killian’s ear. _That new girl, the goblin._ Killian covers her mouth with a hand.

“She was just drinking some hot cocoa,” Magnus says, a waver in his voice, “and then she started coughing, and then she dropped the mug and just...FWOOSH! Went up in flames!”

“Maybe it was poisoned,” suggests Avi from the front of the onlooking crowd.

Every face turns to Taako. Of-fucking-course. “It wasn’t me this time!” he says immediately, holding up his hands. “Or the other time. Anytime someone gets poisoned, it wasn’t me! Anyway, Dracula made her hot cocoa, I was cutting fruit for the hot punch.”

Dracula sputters from behind Taako as the attention shifts to him. “It’s the same cocoa I’ve been making for everyone all day!” he protests. “My secret family recipe.” He gestures to a carafe on the counter, freshly steaming; Taako sighs and pulls the No-Sodium Salt Shaker from his apron pocket, shakes over the carafe’s open mouth.

“No pink,” he says. “No poison.”

“Thank you, Taako,” Lucretia replies, “but there’s no poison that would cause spontaneous combustion, anyway. Something else must have caused it.”

“Maybe it’s just a thing gerblins do sometimes?” Merle offers.

Avi shakes his head. “It had to be a spell or something, right? Or maybe the mug was cursed!”

The speculative murmuring in the crowd rises in volume and sharpens in tone, all at once; Lucretia claps her hands sharply and then raises them. “All right, everyone. Let’s all clear the hallway and the kitchen until we can figure out what happened to Wort. Please don’t panic, I’m sure it was just an extremely unfortunate accident.”

Slowly and solemnly, the crowd disperses until only Magnus, Merle, and Taako remain. Lucretia leans in, her voice lowered. “Boys, would you do me a favor?”

“Investigate the mystery?” Magnus asks eagerly.

“Get a broom?” suggests Merle.

Taako sighs. “Finish making the punch?”

Wisely and with great dignity, Lucretia ignores them. “You may have noticed we don’t get a good Stone signal here—there’s an enchantment around the cabin to camouflage it. Would you three take a walk outside and see if you can call for some help? Angus, or perhaps a reaper? And try Brad Bradson, he’ll be able to pull Wort’s file and find out if she has family we should contact.”

“Why do _we_ have to do that?” Taako presses, though he’s already unknotting his apron and turning down the heat on the simmering punch. “It’s snowing outside.”

Lucretia smiles pleasantly, her _because-I-said-so_ smile. “I should stay here and oversee some kind of cleanup, we can’t just stop using the kitchen door because it’s blocked with goblin remains. Also, I forgot my good boots.”

***

Like the suckers they are, Tres Horny Boys bundle up and tromp outside into the wind and blowing snow. It’s dark now, and freezing, and Taako’s really regretting this whole trip. He could have stayed home, just him and the cats, or maybe bullied Angus or Lup into keeping him company. Instead, he’s trudging through the snow using Magnus as a human shield against the wind, holding up his Stone of Farspeech in the dark waiting to get far enough to find a signal.

When Magnus stops short, Taako plows right into him, and Merle tumbles into Taako’s back. “What the fuck?” he shouts through layers of scarf.

Magnus turns around, reaching out to steady him. “We can’t go any farther,” he says, the wind whisking the words from his mouth.

“Why the fuck not?”

Magnus reaches out in the direction they’d been walking; his hand stops in midair, and he knocks with a gloved fist. “Some kind of barrier!”

“What’s going on?” Merle shouts from behind him. Taako tugs the dwarf up closer, then reaches out to feel the barrier for himself. It’s invisible, clearly magical, and it feels solid when he tests it with a few quick and probing spells. He tries to Blink through it, and is rebuffed.

“Feels like a sphere,” he says finally, pushing some magic into it to test the shape. “Like it domes up above, and goes into the ground below. A camouflage spell wouldn’t do that.” Merle clambers past him to throw a few useless spells of his own at the invisible wall, nodding in confirmation.

Magnus pulls his woolen hat down further over his face and ears, then draws the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom from the pack on his back. “Let’s see if I can cut through it!”

“What’d you bring a giant sword on vacation for?” Merle shouts, backing up out of range of Magnus’ swing.

Taako throws his hands up. “We could have been keeping warm with that, at least!”

Magnus ignores them, and swipes at the barrier with a powerful blow; he’s knocked flat on his ass when the sword bounces off. “Well dunk!”

“I could have told you that wasn’t going to work,” Taako tells him as he gets back to his feet.

“Never know until you try,” Magnus replies with his usual disgusting cheer. “You two should go back and tell Lucretia. I’ll follow it around and see if there are any openings.”

“By yourself, in this weather?” Merle scoffs, but Magnus waves it off.

“We’re not that far from the cabin. If this wall is a circle, it’s not a very big one.”

Merle pats him on the knee. “Well, I’ll come along and keep ya company.”

Taako, starting to shiver inside his many layers, gives them the cheeriest salute he can muster. “See ya later then, suckers. I’ll go get that hot punch ready.”

***

When he gets back to the cabin, the mood in the den is somber. There’s a bottle of something being passed around, and on the table in front of the fireplace are two of the cookie tins Taako brought, and a huge platter piled with the cookies that were in them.

“Please tell me you didn’t put the ashes in my cookie tins,” he says, kicking the snow off his boots and already resigning himself to the answer.

Carey shrugs, nabbing a cookie from the platter and taking a melancholy bite. “We didn’t have a lot of options.”

“Did you get through to anybody? Where’s Magnus and Merle?” Killian asks, absently rubbing the little frill of scales on the back of Carey’s neck.

Taako unwinds his scarf from his face and tosses it with his other layers in the vicinity of the coat rack. “They’re still trying,” he says, trying his best not to sound evasive. “Where’s the Director?”

Killian gestures with her chin. “Kitchen.” She holds up the half-eaten cookie in her hand. “These licorice ones are awesome, by the way.”

“Not licorice, it’s anisette, you heathen,” he says, and sweeps through to the kitchen.

Lucretia is sitting at the table with the shattered fragments of a mug in front of her, prodding them with spells. She looks up when he enters. “Any luck?”

“None. Zero luck. Negative luck,” he says. “We couldn’t get to the edge of the camouflage spell.”

She turns to look out the window, concerned. “Is it snowing that hard?”

“It’s absolutely shitting down out there,” Taako confirms, “but that’s not why. We hit some kind of barrier. Magical, invisible, deffo solid, a big ball around the cabin. Mags and Merle are following all the way around it to see if there are openings, but I don’t think they’re gonna find anything.”

Lucretia turns back to him, her expression the most genuinely concerned it’s been all night. “That shouldn’t be there. Who would have put that there?”

“Beats me,” Taako shrugs, “but seems like we’re stuck in here, can’t call for help, and one of your Benevolence red shirts beefed it under suspicious circumstances.”

“She wasn’t a red shirt,” Lucretia snaps. “She was a new hire. The first goblin on the base. She was a brilliant civil engineer and a talented sorcerer.” Then she takes a careful breath, and rests her face in her hands.

After a painful moment of tense silence, Taako turns back to the counter where the fruit he was cutting is still sitting out. He picks up the knife, continues chopping pineapple. “Look, I didn’t mean—“

“I know. Dust, right? I just. Hoped maybe I was done with my employees dying.”

They lapse into silence again, this time a little less awkward, as Taako dumps the pineapple into the simmering pot of punch and moves on to chopping the guavas. “I might be able to summon Krav,” he says at last. “I dunno if it’ll go through, or if he’ll be able to get away from whatever bounty he’s working, but it’s worth a try. Then we can at least get out by scythe, if we need to.”

“Thank you, Taako.” Lucretia stands, sweeping the mug fragments into the trash. “If Magnus and Merle don’t turn up anything, we’ll try that next.” Then she’s next to him at the counter, radiating the kind of annoying uncertainty she hasn’t had since their first month on the Starblaster. “Can I...help you with anything?”

Taako chops the last of the guava, slides it into the pot. “Pass me the dried apricots over there. And you can cut up those pears.”

***

The pile of cookies in the den has shrunk to almost nothing and the punch is nearly ready when Magnus and Merle burst back into the house in a rush of snow and freezing air. Taako and Lucretia have kept quiet on their absence, but Merle ruins that the minute his mouth is visible from behind his scarf.

“Well kids, looks like we’re trapped!”

This pronouncement is followed by immediate shouting from all corners of the room, quelled again just as quickly by Lucretia’s agitated Director voice. “Please remain calm, everyone. It’s true, a barrier of unknown origin has been placed around the cabin. We’re investigating other ways to leave or allow help in. Merle, Magnus, I take it this means you found no openings?”

“Nothing,” Magnus says, shoulders slumped.

“Then Taako, perhaps it’s time to ask Kravitz for his assistance.”

Taako shoots her two finger guns, as if this is something he does all the time and not an emergency measure he’s never tried before and Kravitz only explained to him once. “You got it!” He Blinks over to the fireplace, taking a moment in the Ethereal Plane to dig out the raven feather he keeps in his secret underarm pocket. When he pops back into the den, kneeling in front of the fire, Dracula actually applauds. Nerd.

With a little extra flair for the audience around him, he plucks a strand from his braid and wraps it loosely around the feather. _“To guide me to you,”_ Kravitz told him when he gave him the feather. _“Though honestly I’d know your soul anywhere in the planar system by now.”_ Taako tosses the feather into the fire, where it sits for a long second before it catches and flares up with a little whoosh.

Silence falls over the room, a collective breath held as they wait; then the tip of a scythe slices through the air in front of the fire and Kravitz leaps through, wild-eyed.

“What’s happening? Are you all right?”

The worry in his face is gratifying; Taako rewards it with a swift hug. “Fine. But there’s some weird magic going on, and a mysterious death, and we’re all kinda trapped in here. Hoping you might be able to help with some of those things.”

Kravitz looks Taako over, just to be sure, and then takes in the room of dour faces. “Well. Yes, sounds like I might be of use.”

***

“It’s no use,” he says later, his death criminal book in his hands and the two tins of ashes on the table in front of him. “This is definitely a strange death, the book says Wort’s soul hasn’t reached the Astral Plane, but there’s no clear indication of why. It just says ‘soul unable to pass on in the traditional manner.’”

“Maybe she got trapped by the barrier,” Merle suggests, and Kravitz looks at him, startled.

“Yes...I suppose that’s possible.”

Merle scowls. “You don’t have to look so surprised, sometimes I know things.”

Krav smiles placatingly, and Taako has to hide a laugh behind his hand. “Certainly. Well, if that’s the case, then I can just cut a rift straight to the Astral Plane for Wort’s soul, and another one out of the cabin for the rest of you.” His scythe rematerializes in his hand when he reaches out, and he swings it casually through the air beside the table.

Nothing happens.

Kravitz frowns, swings again; then again, more forcefully. “What the—” He hums a few words of a spell, and swings again, to no avail.

“Shit,” Lucretia says, feelingly.

Defeated, Kravitz dispels his scythe. “My sentiments exactly.”

***

The first pale light of morning is seeping in through the windows on the eve of the new year. Magnus is passed out on one of the couches, while Lucretia and Merle converse quietly over mugs of reheated punch on another. Kravitz prayed through the dark hours of the night, trying to get help from the Raven Queen and messages to Lup and Barry; exhausted from his efforts and unsure if his prayers were heard, he’s now sprawled in an overstuffed chair. Taako spent the night helplessly baking, and now is curled on Kravitz’s lap, head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry I got you stuck here,” he whispers, and Krav’s arms tighten around him.

“I’d rather be stuck here with you than on the outside without you.”

“Gross,” Taako replies automatically, but kisses his boyfriend’s cheek in appreciation. “Maybe Lup’ll find a way to bust us out.”

Kravitz tilts his head to catch Taako’s mouth, sweet and soft. “Let’s hope so.” Around them, the cabin is still; the snow is still falling outside the windows as the sun continues to rise.

Then crunching footsteps cut through the melancholy quiet as someone approaches the cabin door.

Taako jerks upright; across the room, so does Lucretia. The crunching pauses, and the door swings open to reveal a small figure in a comical amount of winter layers.

“Hello sirs!” pipes Angus McDonald, kicking the snow from his boots.

***

It doesn’t take long to fill Angus in. Over a plate of pastries and a steaming mug, he considers each piece of evidence they relay with calm seriousness. He examines the ashes in the cookie tins, tastes the cocoa from Dracula’s carafe, nods knowingly at their descriptions of the barrier that let him in but won’t let anyone out.

At last, picking pieces of fruit from the bottom of his mug, he smiles. “Well, it’s actually all very simple.”

“Of-fucking-course it is,” Taako says, throwing up his hands and flopping defeated into a chair.

Lucretia leans in. “Please explain, Angus.”

The kid has the nerve to look smug. “Obviously you didn’t read Wort’s personnel file very closely, ma’am,” he says. “First of all, she’s not a sorcerer. She’s a warlock. Her patron is a phoenix, which means—”

“She can regenerate,” Lucretia finishes, leaning back with a relieved sigh. “Of course.”

“If we just put the ashes back together, she’ll be able to grow a new body out of it,” Angus confirms. Magnus pops the lids off of the tins immediately, dumping them both onto the floor, and looks like a kicked puppy when they don’t immediately reform into a goblin. Angus pats him on the arm. “It takes a little time.”

“But why did she combust?” Merle asks, looking baffled. “Rebirth is hard magic, isn’t it? Why burn a body over nothing?”

“It wasn’t over nothing,” Angus replies. “Also according to her personnel file, Wort is severely allergic to cinnamon. I’ve read some studies, apparently it’s common among goblins. I suspected there might be some cinnamon in the cocoa, which was confirmed with a taste test. She had an immediate adverse reaction, the combustion was a preservation tactic.”

“Amazing!” Magnus shouts, too loud for the early morning; Angus flushes with pleasure.

Lucretia pinches the bridge of her nose with her fingers. “Yes, very impressive, Angus. But may I ask why you’ve been reading B.O.B. personnel files in the first place?”

The boy shrugs. “Mr. Bradson sometimes contracts me to do background checks on potential hires when he’s interviewing.”

“Ah. Of course.”

“I’m glad to have that mystery solved,” Kravitz adds, arm snug around Taako’s waist, “but it doesn’t explain the barrier.”

Angus’ grin widens. “That one’s a little harder, but I can venture an educated guess! You all told me that there was a foot of snow on the ground last night, when Magnus and Merle and Taako first discovered the barrier, right?”

“Right…” Taako confirms, drawing it out into a question.

“And you said it’s been snowing all night. Yet when I came in this morning, there was still only about a foot of snow built up.”

“An illusion?” Lucretia muses.

Angus nods. “I think so. That, plus the barrier being spherical, and the unusual amount of wind blowing the snow around inside...well, it’s like a giant snow globe.”

At this bizarre pronouncement, the group all stare at Angus with a mix of baffled and disbelieving expressions. He gives a little shrug. “When I talked to Headmaster Miller at Candlenights, he mentioned he was planning to come here for New Year’s Eve, and that he had arranged some kind of surprise for everyone.”

“That sonofa—”

“We should’ve let Krav reap that asshole when we had the chance!”

“Unbelievable.”

***

Even with all of the mysteries solved, they’re still trapped until Lucas shows up and can be bullied into taking down his “surprise.” Taako enlists Angus to help with breakfast, then Dracula when he emerges from his bedroom. Slowly the other guests of the cabin rise and wander into the den, being filled in on the new developments and passing the news on to others in turn. As they’re collectively devouring a second round of eggs and sausages and bacon, there’s a sudden commotion in the den; when Taako goes to the doorway to look, a very naked and soot-covered goblin is stretching as if she just woke up from a refreshing nap. She grins around at the room.

“Happy New Year!” she shouts to the room, a pronouncement that is met with a round of cheering and relieved laughter.

The day improves after that, the festive mood returning in full swing. Taako is taking a break from the kitchen between breakfast and lunch while Kravitz and Magnus wash the dishes, watching Angus trounce Carey at chess while Merle gives color commentary, when the door bursts open and a flurry of illusory snow blows inside.

“Reapers to the rescue, dipshits!” Lup cries, stomping in and throwing her arms wide in a show of drama.

Barry follows more sedately, taking in the room full of cozy revelry. “We heard you were in some kinda trouble?”

“I mean...yeah?” Taako says, looking around, “but also...nah? Ango figured everything out, but we’re stuck here until Lucas fucking Miller to shows up and we can kick his scrawny ass.”

Lup’s mouth twists in disappointment, then she shrugs and throws off her cloak. “Tell me there’s some booze to pass the time, at least.”

“You can spike the _ponche_ ,” Taako replies with a lazy gesture toward the kitchen, and Lup’s ears perk.

“Hell yeah.”

***

By midnight, everyone of age and disposition to drink is sloshed as hell and Lucas Miller is pouting in a corner, nursing his bruises and his disappointment; the four-inch snow globe that was the source of his spell is in pieces in the roaring fire. There’s a grandfather clock in the hall, and a cheer erupts as it starts to chime, sending the twins, and the rest of the crew that experienced New Year’s Eve with them on the Starblaster a hundred times, scrambling for the bowl of grapes. “One fr’evry chime,” Taako slurs to Kravitz, offering a handful; beside him Lup is pressing some into Angus’ hands.

“‘S good luck,” she tells him, and he studiously obeys. Lucretia is giggling and tossing hers into the air, trying and failing to catch them in her mouth. Killian and Carey are ignoring the mayhem in favor of kissing like their lives depend on it, and hey, Taako thinks that’s not a bad idea at all, and pulls Kravitz in by his collar with the twelfth grape still in his mouth.

They’re all going to be completely wrecked tomorrow, but at this moment Taako can’t care; Kravitz’s arms are around his waist and tongue in his mouth, and his sister is whooping like a living noisemaker somewhere behind him while his family generally wreaks havoc all around.

It’s perfect. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> The hot fruit punch (ponche) descriptions are based on this recipe: https://patijinich.com/recipe/ponche


End file.
